I bought tickets for the whole family – Kamal, Mahsuri, my helper and baby Kilat to go and support Budiman and me for the concert. We reached there on time. About an hour before our programme. Kamal and the rest went in to view the concert while Budiman and I wait for our programme at the backstage. Due to the fact that Budiman is only 2 plus years, thus I have to go on stage with him. We were going to play the bells for the song – “We wish you a merry X’mas”.

Just half an hour before the start of our programme, teacher Lynn came and tell me that Budiman and I will be the only parent and child pair to perform together with the other few older kids who would be playing the piano. Lynn said a few parents withdraw their kids from the concert as they were going for holiday. Initially there was another child and her mom who was supposed to perform together with us but last minute she called and cancel her participation too. Teacher Lynn said if I don’t feel comfortable I could withdraw Budiman too. I assured her that Budiman and I will go ahead with the performance. Being a seasoned stage performer, I have no worries with stage frights at all. I know Budiman also will feel at ease. One thing is because he is still young and is oblivious to the crowd. Maybe his slight autism also made him unaware of the crowd. Anyhow, since we have given our word to involve in the performance, we should go ahead with it.

Finally, it’s our turn. We went up the stage. As planned, Budiman and I stationed ourselves in the centre while 6 other older kids positioned at their piano. When the music starts, I assist Budiman to ring the bells according to beat. Suddenly, in the middle of the performance, a familiar face came running up the stage and stand beside me, putting his hand on my left shoulder. I turned to the side and saw Mahsuri beside me, on stage! Aiyah, budak ini….. As if he made a cameo appearance… But throughout the performance, he stand beside me confidently, putting his arms around my neck while I play the bells with Budiman. Mahsuri is definitely oblivious of the audience. However, he is consider quite well-behaved on stage. The performance ended successfully. Curtains down and his ayah came from behind the side curtain and grab him back to the audience seats…

I don’t know exactly why he did that but I guess could be a few reasons. Firstly, he may be vying for my attention. Secondly, it could be he wants to show to others that Budiman is his younger brother and I, his mommy. And so he came on stage and “give us his support”. Anyhow, I am glad he didn’t spoil the show. His ayah was even commenting that he is having a “class reunion” on stage. Mahsuri used to take music class at Seimpi and these few older kids who played the pianos were his classmates. However, after attending for half a year, we decided to stop his music class because he doesn’t show interest in the class. Not like drawing, he could sit there and draw for hours. Music is not his cuppa tea.

Anyhow, we had a great time at the concert. Since this is teacher Lynn’s last concert at Seimpi (she is leaving by year end), so all the more makes it a meaningful one. I am very happy with Budiman’s performance in the concert. I think music helps him alot and I will definitely expose him more to performances so as to buildup his confidence.

After the certificate presentation to the kindergarten graduates and a few performances by various levels of students, came Mahsuri’s class (the Nursery level 2) performance. Curtains up and I saw my son standing right at the last row at the right hand corner. Everyone in front was dancing spontaneously to the first song -”macarena” and he was standing there, eyes searching the crowd (for me). Mahsuri kept saying “Mommy, you see, i am dancing here…can you see? i am dancing here?…” My eyes were welled up with tears… I was standing among the group of fanatic parents (fans of their own kids) and doing what they were doing, busy snapping away photos. My camera was giving me problem. I only manage to snap one or two photos of him. (Damn!) I should have charged my camera.

Mahsuri was still searching for me. And then suddenly, he realised that his mommy is squatting right at the corner of the foot of the stage, watching him silently, giving her support to him. All at once, you could see his elated expression, as if just discover a piece of chocolate! Then, he began to dance. And when the second song “I want nobody but you” started playing, he stopped and as if sad. I immediately do the familiar little hand sign to him, telling him I want nobody but him, then he began to dance again. At the end of this item, everyone was walking back to the back stage but he just run to the front and want to get down from the stage. I told him I will fetch him after the whole concert has finished. I said I still want to watch his second programme – the fashion show. Just then, his teacher Hazel came out from behind the curtain and bring this “lost calf” back to the “herd”.

The last show of the concert was the fashion show. It was presented by Mahsuri’s class (N2) again. I saw Mahsuri and his other classmate Rick Teo doing the cat walk together with a fellow Indian female classmate. I do not know her name as she’s new and just joined the class. Mahsuri looks dashing with his hair “jelled-up” and dressed in a denim overall which i bought some weeks ago at Isetan for this performance. He was doing very well, with the cat walk. Just then, as he was preparing to make a turn to walk back to the back of the stage, he caught me at the corner of his eye. He stopped and stand there, looking at me with a sad kinda look, hands in his denim overall. His teacher and classmates do not know what to do with this. The audiences find it funny and were laughing amusingly. I signal to him to walk along but he just stood there and gaze at me. Just then, his classmate Rick Teo walk to him and say “aiyah, come lah.. (in Mandarin)” and proceed to pull him away with him. That makes an even more amusing scene to all. Everybody was laughing and clapping their hands to the gesture. I was relief.

Later, after the show, I went to fetch Mahsuri. He was famished, so I gave him some cakes and he was happily gobbling away… He was also throwing a little tantrum to me. Usually I will reprimand him if he is rude but that day, I didn’t. I know he was blaming me for not taking him away from the stage, from the performance. i explained to him that he is performing, so it’s only professional not to run away half way through the performance. It’s like in life, each and everyone has their own roles, they should try their best to fulfill their roles. I don’t know whether he understands what i am saying.

Anyway, I really enjoyed watching his performance. A child’s performance. Although there are often unexpected situations like these but they are so real, so innocent… Some parents might think that it is embarassing that their child is not doing as they should in a performance. However, I treasure every moment of his performance, the imperfections too. It’s the moment you will never find again.

Last wednesday at around 3a.m., I suddenly felt sharp pain at my lower back and my lower abdominal. My tummy also felt very tight, like stone. I thought it will go away but it didn’t. It came every 5-10 mins. and it lasted abt 5 mins each time. This feeling is not alien to me as I recalled when I was expecting Mahsuri, I had that feeling. Although it was like 4 years ago! I still remember. Mahsuri’s case was a 25 hour prolonged induction, 10 hours of intense labour pain and failure of dilation and finally ended up in emergency caeserean. The only consolation is I get to see his birth as I was on epidural caeserean. Yes, wide awake while they “cut me up”.

Anyway, I was comtemplating on whether to go to the hospital or not. Kamal called the 24hr clinic and I told the nurse abt my situation. She said since I had 2 caesereans previously, it’s better to go to the hospital immediately as she worries that the strong contractions will cause my old stitches to burst and thus lead to serious consequences. (Yikes!) I still can’t believe I was in labour. Or rather I don’t want to believe it. I still haven’t take nice photos of my “stretch marks free” pregger belly with my boys. So, hurriedly, I asked Kamal to take one or two snapshots of me in my pyjamas. However looking at the pictures from the camera, I know I am not looking good at the moment as I could see that I am really in pain. So, hurriedly, we woke our helper — Heni and ask her to take care of Mahsuri and Budiman before “dashing” out of our house with my quite prepared hospital bag.

We caught a taxi with minutes and were on our way to Kandang Kerbau hospital. In the cab, I told Kamal this time round he didn’t managed to put on his checked shirt (he wore that during the birth of our first two peas). He was smiling and shook his head in disbelief. He also can’t believe Kilat choose to come out on 9-9-09. We were caught in a “Kelam Kabut” (unprepared) situation.

We reached KK within 10 mins. I was still much in pain. The intervals were still every 5-10 mins. The medical staff wheeled me in a wheel chair to the admission counter in the delivery suite for admission. When we reached there, we saw quite a few people there. The staff at the counter was the lady who answered my phone. She said there is no available delivery suite at the moment so we have to wait. So, I just sit in the wheel chair and suffer the strong contractions (in silence) but I know my facial expressions must be quite twisted and I felt my eyes are wet and warm, from the tears that I try to suppress not to let it flow out. I thought I really just couldn’t sit properly so I got up and went to the corridor outside. Pacing around the corridor helped a little but the pain is getting more and more intense. Kamal and I met our friend Rosman, whose wife is also admitted. She was in the delivery suite for induction and has been there one day before. I told Rosman that according to my experience with Mahsuri’s birth, induction will take very long. So, he has to be patient. Rosman said he understands that and wished us luck before returning to his wife.

Finally, after one and a half hour, we managed to get a delivery suite. After the nurse settle me on the bed and went to do other preparation, I gave Kamal a knowing smile. “Don’t you think this looks deja vu to you?” I said. He understands what I mean. Four years ago, we were here in the same room for like one whole day when trying to ‘coax’ Mahsuri to come out quickly. ) Same room, same decor, same lighting, around the same timing… Amidst all my contraction pains, I am actually enjoying the short moment, reminiscing the past… Just then, another medical staff entered and she did a V.E. (vaginal examination) on me and found that I have dilated but not full dilation. She said I am going to forget abt going back home. So, quickly but precisely, like what they are good at, they prepared all the necessary forms to fill up for LSCS (lower section caeserean section). Like the previous two, I opt for epidural caeserean where I am fully awake to witness the birth of Kilat.

After doing other nitty-gritty but necessary preparation, I was wheeled to the operating theatre. There, the medical staff who is in-charged of anesthetia let me hugged a pillow and bent forward so that they could inject the anesthetic medication into my lower spine. Within seconds, I feel the numbness spread throughout the entire lower part of the body. I am “numbed” from chest onwards down right to my toes. I found myself lying on the “operating table”. Everything is so familiar. It’s like as if yesterday I gave birth to Mahsuri and Budiman. Now the third pea is coming. My gynae, senior consultant Dr K T Tan came in with a smile. “hi Yeok Se, looks like your baby really wants to choose 9-9-09, yah?” Initially, we wanted this date but dr Tan asked us to wait for one more week to boost his growth more. We heed her advice but who knows this little fellow wanted to come out on 9-9-09. I wanted to schedule for C today.

So the cut started. I don’t feel painful at all. It’s like someone using their pointer finger to draw horizontal lines on my tummy. And each time it’s coupled with a numb feeling. Then I started to feel the “tugging and pulling”, and it gets stronger but still it’s not painful. I know very soon I am going to see my baby. After a couple of minutes, Dr Tan said my baby was born. But where is his cries?!?? I started to worry. I couldn’t see beyond the cloth that is blocked infront of my chest areaa. Usually they will carry the baby and show him to me but not this time. And the previous two cried very loudly but this one no crying sound at all! Lateron, while Dr Tan is “sewing me up”, she tols me that Kilat breathes too fast and swollowed some liquid which blocks his air passage a little. Therefore he has to be put in the special care nursery to be given oxygen. I was crying when I heard that but the staff asked my to rest assured for this is not uncommon for some babies.

When I was taken to my ward, I suddenly felt hunger pangs and feel like eating but dr don;t allow as it’s not advisable to eat immediately after opt for fear that I might vomit and affect the wound. So, I was given ice chips frequently. I was also been given a packet of 300ml blood for transfusion as they said that my haemoglobin level is too low. So, while been transfuse, I sent out the good news of the birth of my son, take a bit of rest here and there and pumped some colostrum to be sent to the nursery for Kilat. Finally, the next day, I get to hold him in my arms and feed him directly from my breasts.

Some people might think that going through the whole 9 months of pregnancy and the excruciating labour pain is a chore but to me, every step is a memory. And I treasure the birth of each of my child very much. I enjoyed everything even down to the pain, the “not so delicious” hospital food, the stay in the hospital and so on… Well, perhaps I am just a simple and easily contented woman who loves children very much. I guess I am a baby-addicted mommy!

This afternoon, i heard some noise from the playground right below my kitchen window. I leaned forward and saw a group of Mahsuri’s classmates pushing Mahsuri around. Some of them shouted “go away”, others just push him and beat him with their hands. I was shocked and worried, “Will he cry?” I thought to myself. Just then, Mahsuri fought back and shouted “I am not scared hor…”. He didn’t broke down and cry. In fact, he showed that he wasn’t bothered at all. His class teacher saw what happened and asked the few boys who pushed him to apologize to him. So much for the “little fight” my boy has just encountered. I remembered when I was young, I was often bullied by my classmates. I wasn’t as brave as Mahsuri, I would either broke down and cry or I will hide somewhere and cry. As I grew older, I learned to use my EQ to control my emotions. It helps even more when I started to know my hubby. He helped me alot. I hope that Mahsuri can continue using his EQ to solve problems.

Mahsuri loves to draw.

To my pleasant surprise, it turned out that their director is Jack Choo (Zhu Hou Ren). I know he is a veteran actor but I didn’t know he direct too. After understanding my series (Hua Dan and Flowerism) of works and my interests in Cantonese opera and other things like collecting Blythe dolls and trinkets. They started filming in beginning of March. I was 3 months plus pregnant then. My tummy began to show and I was afraid the effect will not be good especially to put on the opera makeup and costume. However, everything turned out fine. The crew were efficient and professional. We went to a few location like SAFRA (for my caricature shoot), Singapore Art Museum where my work — “Tea with Mr. M” was on exhibit, Guangdong Huey Guan (where I learned opera), my house, my friend — Chengying’s house and  Art Seasons (the art gallery).

It was a fun and educational experience working with Jack and his team. Although I was suffering from rather bad morning sickness, I seemed to forget it the moment I was involved in the shoot. Yesterday was the telecast of the programme on Channel U. I received many compliments from friends and relatives. I even had a few email messages of people whom I don’t know but saw the programme and like my works. It was afterall, a very fruitful (and unexpected) experience. I will have to work hard to produce more good works so as not to disappoint all who loved me.

These few weeks, I didn’t get to see much of Vivian as I am currently suffering from a bout of morning sickness from my pregnancy. As it’s the initial stage, I am getting much of it nowadays. Thus, Kamal sends and fetch Mahsuri to and from school most of the time.

Teacher Vivian was one of the first few teachers who follow Mahsuri when he started N1 last year. She had witnessed his growth and improvements for the past one year. Vivian is a very patient and understanding teacher. Unlike other kids, my boy needs more time to “warm up”. He is a bit eccentric and always do things in the opposite way. I too can some times lose patience with him. However, teacher Vivian seems to have a way with him. She spends lotsa effort trying to understand his character. She often reflect her observations of him to me. She make me understand that my son is a selective-hearing learner and not what some people suspect — Autism.

Now that she has left, I feel sad that my son can’t continue to be nurtured under her but I do wish her all the best in her future endeavours.

I didn’t even have her contact no. I hope I could get it from other teachers so that I could call her personally and thank her for being such a good teacher to my boy, Mahsuri.

(from left to right) Sun Lao Shi, Mahsuri and Teacher Vivian

see how smart Mahsuri’s seniors look?

哇！毕业了！！We have graduated from kindergarten!!

Mahsuri wearing his "lion" mask.

Mahsuri and classmates.

Ayah and Budiman were there to support Mahsuri too.

Finally, concert is over and we could go home!